Sensitivity to "Fat" Comments

A topic that comes up somewhat regularly in our household is that of the public's perception of overweight or obese individuals. On rare occasions, I find myself in tears because of something someone has said in an online forum or in some kind of magazine. I am well aware of the fact that having fat on my body is completely unacceptable to the majority of the population. The problem for me comes in when I realize that I am being judged on a continual basis. Those guys I just passed in the pick up truck while riding my bike - yeah, they were judging me. The "serious cyclist"{picture kit-clad, 14lbs carbon bike riding individual} giving me a look while I ride my steel road bike at human speeds, rather than super speeds. The teenage girls, the mother of four - you name it - they are all judging me.

I don't live my life as though I'm being constantly judged, but every now and again, a reminder is brought to my attention that "they" are in fact watching, observing, and letting me know that "they" are the "superiors" of this planet.

I can nearly guarantee that I work out harder than nearly any of them, and have for quite awhile. My annoyance comes out when someone insists on making statements such as "fat and lazy" or "obese because they do nothing," and I can feel my temper begin to flare as I take these comments personally. How can I not? Basically, these folks are telling me that I eat poorly and don't move, and thus the fat on my body. But that is not reality for me. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have cried because I am doing everything I physically can to change my body and nothing seems to work.

Unfortunately, these times generally coincide with me finding a random comment on a blog or some online forum that just infuriates me. No one should be lumped together. We are all individuals and we come with different quirks and issues, in different shapes and sizes, and have different abilities and goals. I do my best to take solace in the fact that I know I'm doing everything I can to be the best me - and isn't that really all anyone can do?

Sam {partner in life/crime}tries to tell me that he doesn't know anyone who thinks I'm "fat and lazy," and states that anyone who knows me is well aware that I am a strong woman. I'd like to believe that because I do think I am strong, and getting stronger every day. As for changing the attitudes of other people, I'm not sure that is ever possible. The only thing I can do is try to alter the way I take in information, and know that I am doing everything in my power to better myself. You know the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Well, that isn't the case for me... sticks and stones aren't going to break my bones because I am strong... and their words - well, I'm doing my best to not let them hurt me either.

The Addiction of Kickboxing

I'm having a little bit of anxiety. We are prepping to leave for "vacation" (I keep using air quotes when referring to this trip because when it's under the obligation to see family, I'm not sure it's really a vacation - though I'm still looking forward to getting out of here for a bit) in a little over a day, and I'm kind of freaking out about not having kickboxing. It's as though it's become some sort of weird addiction, and I need a daily fix. What am I going to do for two weeks without it? I know it sounds insane, and I'm sure many look forward to their time away, but I can feel myself panicking, trying to figure out what I'm going to do as a replacement.

We did purchase a couple of hand block/punching bag sort of thingies to get some punching/kicking in and a tension band to do a few things with, and I know we're taking out bicycles and we'll still get workouts in, but it's just not the same as going to class and having someone push me. It's to the point now that I almost don't even want to go on vacation because I don't want to miss the class. What is wrong with me? Seriously. I've never not wanted to get out and just go.  Honestly, I've never been one for routine, and normally I'd be burned out on this by now and only going a couple of times a week, but  with 6-8 classes a week, something is going to be missing from my life.

I am well aware that I need to just get over it and enjoy the time away, but I find it interesting that I'm experiencing true anxiety about not having that constant in my life. I suppose I'll just have to look forward to the return home and the excitement of not only kickboxing, but my bootcamp classes as well! Bring on the punishment.

Getting Busted

Confession time: I've been avoiding testing for my next level belt in kickboxing. Why? Well, I've had it in my head that I wanted to be able to complete 10 pushups without having to rest in between each one. After each class, the instructor gives out a "stripe" (which is a piece of electrical tape) that gets wrapped around the belt. After so many are obtained, the belt holder tests for the next belt. So, in order to avoid testing, I have managed to disappear before picking up stripes by sneaking out of class. I was supposed to attend 24 classes before testing for my next belt. I've attended 50 as of this morning. Here's where the "busted" part comes in.

Image found here

As I enter the facility, Chris (instructor) states, "So, you're testing today, right?"

I respond with, "No," as a slight smile eeks through (I can't help it - I'm a horrible liar and really hate keeping things from anyone).

"You tested last month, right?" Chris asks.

"Um, no," I utter quietly.

"Oh, you're testing today then," is the response that comes out of instructor Chris' mouth. "How many stripes do you have?"

"Sixteen," I say. It's not a lie... I just haven't been getting the stripes.

"I want to see your belt," he retorts.

"But, I don't have it with me today. I forgot it at home."

His response, "Oh, you are going to test today."

"But, I'm not ready. We can talk about it after class," I seem to be pleading. "Look, I'm not trying to mess with you or the system, but I just want to be able to do proper pushups."

Chris walks away. I know he's upset, but it's not like I'm cheating to get ahead... I just want to know that I am properly doing what is being asked of me. We go through a 30 minute "warm up" after which he asks all belt testers to come to the front of the class. I do not go to the front of the class. Chris tells one of the other instructors that I am testing. I repeatedly state that I am not. I don't want to be stubborn, but seriously, I just want to do things properly before being rewarded with another level.

Everyone partners up, and we start off with pushups. I do about 35 (I lost count due to the reason about to be explained), as the official testers are getting through however many reps they need to do for their next level. As I'm doing the pushups, Chris comes over to stand beside me.

"I don't understand what you're expecting from yourself? You're already doing pushups better than most of the class," he says.

"I just want to be able to come back up straight... I just can't do that," is my reply.

He responds with, "You're doing them just fine. I'd really like you to test." He walks away.

We move on to other items. Static wall sits, medicine ball jump squats, and situps are next. Chris comes over to do the sit ups with me.

"I really wish you'd just test. You've already done more than what is required for this belt," he says.

I am quiet. What can I really say? I know they're not what I'm expecting, but that doesn't seem to matter to him...And why does he want me to test so badly anyway?

At some point, Chris comes over to me and says that I have been to 50 classes. In my mind I know exactly how many I've been to, but I can see the surprise/disappointment on his face. It's almost as though he's angry/hurt, and I guess I can't really blame him. It wasn't about that though in my mind. I simply wanted to be able to prove to myself that I could do proper pushups - properly.

He finally states that he'll respect my wishes, but he really thinks I should just move up to the next level. I think I'm out of the woods as he walks away again. The group continues on to the end of class at which point we sit with our eyes shut, legs crossed, trying to catch our breath again.

"I can feel you there," I say suddenly, knowing that Chris has sat down next to me.

"I know." He whispers, trying not to disturb others around us. "I really wish you'd let me give you the next belt. You've done the work, and you're an inspiration to so many people here. You have plenty of time to work on whatever you think is wrong with the pushups. It's not as though you're never going to do them again."

Really? This is how he's going to get me? {sigh} I'm a sucker for guilt, I suppose. I don't feel like an inspiration, nor do I feel worthy of the next belt, but he's gone to so much work just to get me to take the thing that now I feel bad.

"Fine. You can give me the belt," finally comes out of my mouth.

"Really?" He asks.

"Yes." I respond.

And with that, somehow I was not only busted, but moved into the next belt level. I guess I'm no longer flying under the radar. Somehow, I think Monday's class will be quite painful for me when he dishes out revenge. {sigh} I suppose I had it coming.

I Will, I Have, & I Will Continue to Do

*Image found here

I think this pretty much sums it up. Not much else to say at the moment. I'm incredibly sore (well deserved), but loving every second of it. Just trying to focus on what needs to be done... and hopefully survive it.

BodyBugg: Early Thoughts/Review

Because I have been struggling with figuring out a more precise number of calories burned during the day, I started looking at heart rate monitors. There are so many to choose from that I found myself overwhelmed by the process and not wanting to delve any farther into the process. As I was seeking out an appropriate HRM, I happened upon the BodyBugg. Best known for its use on The Biggest Loser television show, I honestly hadn't paid any attention to it, despite the fact that it's been on the market for several years now. After reading several reviews and finding it marked down to a third of it's original cost, I figured it would be worth a try.

Image source here

Although I have had this little contraption for less than a week, I wanted to get out some initial thoughts on this product, and see how my opinion changes over time. Basically, the user buys a little monitor that sits on an elastic armband which monitors the individuals activities throughout the day. It is intended to give the user an idea of overall calories burned, rather than specifics for a given activity. It also permits the user to add in food intake so that at the end of the day, there is a tangible number of calories burned vs calories taken in to the body.

My initial impression of this monitor is that it may not be the most efficient or effective tool, depending on the users needs/wants/desires. I purchased the "SP" model of the BodyBugg so that I could use my phone to check on things throughout the day, rather than buying the digital display for the alternate "v3" model, or having to download the information all the time with the USB cord. I have found the app on my iPhone 4s to be a bit of a pain, and not entirely accurate for up to the minute information. The app itself is persnickety and if you touch the wrong thing while it's connecting to the bluetooth, well, you can pretty much forget getting any information out of it.

Image from Apex

As for the monitor itself, I remain up in the air about it. I guess when I was reading through all of the information I didn't quite take in the fact that there is no actual heart rate monitoring associated with the BodyBugg. It's set up so that it monitors body heat, sweat, and electric currents across the skin. I am not an expert, but it seems a bit strange to me that there wouldn't be some type of heart monitoring in this device to get the most accurate burn.

Sample screen shot for a given day

I have also found that I question how well it's tracking the burn. My morning kickboxing class runs from 9:30a-10:20a, and when I looked at the time line later in the evening on the computer software, it only showed a rise in calorie burn for 31 of those 50 minutes... and we are definitely working for the entire 50 minutes - quite intensely. The total calories burned during that time, including my bike ride to and from the workout, were about 690 calories. It also showed that during one morning from 6:45a-9:00a I burned 826 calories while I was doing absolutely nothing except sitting on my rear and eating some oatmeal. I find it a bit strange that I burnt more calories doing nothing for 2 hours than I did in a very, very intense exercise class for almost an hour, as well as riding my bike too and from the class.

The BodyBugg claims 90% accuracy, which is better than a heart rate monitor from what I can tell, but it's difficult for me to understand the numbers when I see them laid out in front of me because they just don't seem to make sense.

As for the food portion of the BodyBugg, I have found that there aren't many foods in the system, and that it will not allow me to do specific amounts. For example, I routinely have 3/4 cup of oatmeal (measured in its dry state) for breakfast. However, the BodyBugg will only allow me to enter 1/2 a cup or a 1 cup amount. So, I'm either under or overestimating what I'm consuming - either of which defeats the purpose of having this device. Instead, like so many others who've gone before with this product, I have found myself using another online program to enter my calories consumed, and using the BodyBugg merely as a test of how many calories I'm burning during the day.

The one thing that is still troubling to me is that I wanted to know if I was eating too much or too little. While the program does assign a number of calories for a person to consume based on your activity level, weight, height, goals, etc, I still don't know if it's possible that I'm under eating. The program itself doesn't seem to have an issue with a person eating fewer calories than assigned, but I know from the past that it can be dangerous or counter productive when not eating enough calories. I do seem to be getting enough to feel satisfied, so I guess that is what I'll have to go on for now.

For my purposes, I wanted to know a more precise number of calories burned on a daily basis, so I've used it as a gauge on a few different days to discover how off I've been with calorie burn. While I don't think it's provided me any earth shattering information, I will say that for the few days I've had, I do seem to have lost weight. I don't know if my body has just decided to cooperate finally, or if I've been unconsciously working harder, knowing that I'm being "tracked." Regardless, I think it has been useful thus far, if for no other reason than to get a better idea of calories burned... even if I don't choose to wear it all the time, or every day.

An Alternate View: Inspiration Rather than Failure

The other day, I wrote about my frustrations with myself and not being able to be proud of something I had accomplished. As I was perusing my morning reads, I happened upon a post from the instructor, Chris, who had actually posted the day after the class took place; however, I didn't see it until this morning. His take on the events that evening are printed below.

Image from Pinterest

" THIS Is What It's All About

When I teach both a morning and a night kickboxing class on the same day, I tend to reuse some of the same sets at night that seemed to work in the morning. Of course, if anyone comes to both classes, I try to vary it up enough to keep it interesting for the “two-a-day”ers. G has only been kickboxing with FCF for a little over two months, but she regularly attends both morning and evening classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. Tonight was no exception.

When I told everyone to get out their bags tonight except G, she laughed and just said “uh oh”. (If you know G, you know she smiles and laughs through the most intense sets she does. She definitely brings a positive vibe to every class). I brought over a white board and a marker, hung a rope just a few inches above her reach, took her to the back of the studio floor and told her that her entire workout tonight would consist of 100 burpees. Now I don’t know many people who “like” burpees, and G is certainly no exception, though she smiles and pushes through the short sets we do in warmup and during class sometimes. But I’ve always gotten the sense that G REALLY doesn’t like burpees. Like, at all. But I knew if I asked her to do 100, it was a good bet that she would do her best to do 100 burpees. Plus, she’d smile while doing them. After all, I wouldn’t want to bore her with a repeat of her morning workout. 

G did her 100 burpees. She finished with about 20 minutes left in class, so I figured I’d let her cool down a bit while I continued to teach. Next thing I know, she’s doing….more burpees. “I thought I’d do some extra credit” she said, smiling of course, when I asked her what was going on. Who was I to stop her? “Go for it!” I said, and she did. 110. 120. 150. 180. She didn’t think she was going to finish in time, but she was close enough to our regular ending time that I assured her we would stick around if she wanted to get to 200. When she got to 190, the rest of the class finished up doing continuous burpees with G, cheering her on, until she finished her last 10. No pressure, right? And she did them. 200 burpees total tonight. Has she ever done 200 burpees before? “I don’t think I’ve done 200 total in my life” she told me.

This is what it is all about. G is consistenly one of hardest workers in our classes. She FIGHTS through every single set, every single exercise, every single rep when most people would just give up and say it isn’t worth it. I knew if I asked her to do 100 burpees, she would struggle mightily but she would do them. What I did not anticipate was that she would take a set that I figured would be a major accomplishment for her, and she would double it. It was definitely one of the most inspirational moments I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing in quite awhile.

I promise that if anyone wants to attend two classes in a day, I won’t make you do 100 burpees as a “reward”.   Everyone is motivated by something different, and I had hoped this set would help show G what I knew she was capable of doing. What she ended up doing was showing me something that, just an hour prior, I would not have thought possible. G…mighty impressive job tonight. Thanks for the shot of motivation."

When I read this, I have to admit I cried. It never ceases to amaze me that even though I was unable to see the good in my performance, someone else was ready to offer up praise. I am also fascinated that while our recollections of the evening are quite similar, I could do nothing but beat myself up, while Chris found inspiration in my completion of the task. I hope that I can be that inspiration and stop doubting my own capabilities. To Chris, I say thanks for the alternate viewpoint.

I Am a Rockstar: 200 Burpees

Last night, I completed 200 burpees in kickboxing. I should say that the 200 burpees were in fact the kickboxing class. I should also clarify that they weren't exactly the burpees illustrated in the link above as I'm still struggling to hop up on my weight, but they were more of lay down stand up and jump kind of repetitions. Regardless of semantics, here is how it went down.

As I arrived for my second round of butt-kicking fun, I was told that I would be doing something different from the class tonight. Okay? I could hear the whispers going around. "What did she do?" and "Why is she being punished?" were spreading like wildfire as instructor Chris set me up. He stated that all I was going to do during the class was 100 burpees. He didn't care how long it took or if I needed to stop for water, and I could break them down any way I would like, but that was going to be my class.

"I can do that," was my reply. To which he said, "I know you can."

With about 20-25 minutes left of class, I had reached 100 reps. What was I going to do? I certainly couldn't just sit down and watch the rest of class. Should I get up and just join them as they finished off? I decided that I would go for "extra credit" and do a few more while I waited for class to end. Unfortunately for me, Chris took notice of this and exclaimed that I could get to 200. Wait, what? I'm just doing extra credit here man... not looking to double what you asked me to do. I mean, I'm an over-achiever, but I don't want to die.

As my body slowed and my breathing intensified, I told Chris I didn't think I could make it to 200 by the end of class. He told me not to worry that he would stay after so that I could complete them. Good lord... I don't want to get to 200 - except that, part of me did want to get there. By the time the class had finished, I had 11 reps left to complete. I was exhausted and sweating like the little piggy I am. The rest of the class joined me as I finished off (quite slowly) the remaining "burpees," after which Chris exclaimed, "You are a rockstar!"

And for a brief moment, I did feel like a rockstar.

It was no small feat for me to complete these. I have a hard time doing 5 of them during regular classes and I just did 200. I should've been completely proud of myself and rejoicing that I didn't keel over, but as soon as I started to allow myself to feel any sort of pride, the whispering demons snuck in to my head.

"You didn't really do burpees. You were merely laying down and standing up with a hop at the end."

"You could have done them so much faster. Why did you keep taking breaks? Too much resting!"

"Why didn't you do 250? If you weren't going to do them properly, you could've at least done more reps."

If it had been anyone other then myself, I would've been cheering them on, telling them they were doing an awesome job, and truly thinking that they were in fact a rockstar. Why can't I just allow myself to be happy and proud, instead of finding reasons to discount what I have accomplished? I just doubled what I was asked to do, and yet, somehow that still isn't good enough in my mind.

This is really something that I need to explore more deeply because it is a definite character flaw. While pushing ones self is important, I also have to be able to enjoy the moment of success, rather than beating myself up for what I have just completed. I honestly don't know how to repair it, other than to force myself into saying that I did a good job and working on believing it.

For now, I am trying to appreciate what I did last night, and allow my bruised knees and skinless toes to recover before I return tomorrow for the next round.

Self-Sabotage

Yesterday was a day of complete and utter self-sabotage. I very purposefully set out to see how much I could eat in a single day. No, I didn't eat all day long, but my meals (specifically the two in the late part of the day) were calorie-laden. I went to bed feeling sad, depressed, and completely ill from the food in my stomach. Why did I do this? Honestly, I just wanted to see what would happen, and prove to myself that I am the one in control. What I didn't like about it is that 1) I was completely sick, and 2) My mental state that allowed me to think this was okay. I consumed approximately 2500 calories, and while in the grand scheme of pig outs it doesn't sound that horrible, it was a ridiculous amount of food. I didn't even want what I ate, which is the saddest part of all.

The bottom line is that I was angry. Angry that I work very, very hard and see no results - and of course, doing myself in isn't going to help the cause.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do. From what I've been reading, I still may not be eating enough calories, but I am truly petrified to take on any more because I fear that it will have adverse affects. In my mind, it's so much easier to take food away than to add it in. The second part is that I think I need to invest in a heart rate monitor. It's the only way I'm truly going to know what I'm burning since online calculators and machines seem to be wildly different in the analysis of calories burned for an individuals' weight. I don't understand why this has to be so mysterious - it's just odd. While I have struggled in the past to lose, it has come off at a slow, but consistent rate if I was putting forth the effort. Now it seems that despite my best intentions, I just cannot make it go away.

I am determined to figure this out though, and I hold firm to the fact that working out should not be done solely for purposes of losing weight, but rather to maintain a healthy life.... it's just so hard when there is absolutely nothing tangible to cling to during these rough times.

Overcoming the Obstacle of Me

Today is a rough day. I am struggling mentally with a lot of things, and when my head is occupied with frivolity, my workouts seem to suffer, my mental state suffers, and everyone around me is forced to endure my random mood swings. My biggest enemy seems to be me at the moment, and I don't know how to fix it, so I keep thinking that getting it all out will help - but even talking seems to just keep me wading in the mucky waters. How am I supposed to feel better about myself when nothing changes? I want so badly to just live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is at this time, but it seems almost impossible. I have always lived in a future state of mind and to bring myself to engaging in the present seems to be quite difficult.

Often, I don't even know how to express the complexity of garbage going on inside, and if I can't even get the words out, how am I supposed to be able to let go of everything? I am a very fortunate person. I have the privilege of being able to work my own hours, at home, doing something I enjoy. I am surrounded by my fur children, and a husband who seems to love me, even when I'm a complete nut case. We live in a great old town area, in a house that is perfect for us. If I want to work out in the middle of the day, go for a bike ride, or just wander down the road, I can. Again, I do appreciate and understand just how fortunate I really am. However, there are other things that seem to linger in my mind and I just can't seem to let go of them.

I find myself getting angry at my parents for not teaching better habits to their children and not having enough sense to keep their own bodies strong. While I realize I am an adult and in control of my behaviors, actions, and reactions, I haven't let go of the fact that I blame them - not for my current physical state - but for creating genetics that seem to severely impede on my ability to get the body I desire. No matter how hard I work, nothing seems to change. I get tired of working hard all the time to have no results. I feel stronger, but I don't feel more capable, and my body has not changed. It's frustrating to say the least.

There are many issues outside the weight issues and lack of changes in my body, but one that I am concerned about most is that I am struggling with who I am as a person. I don't like who I am or who I've become. I can't help but wonder if somewhere the train went off course. I feel so far off at this point I don't know if there's any hope of getting me back where I should be. Maybe this is just the path of life? We don't get to know or even predict how things will turn.

In the mean time, I am doing my best to stay focused on this day... this hour... this moment. Hopefully, that will help focus some of the excess energy being wasted on things that I can't change.

Knee Fat, Clothing, and Summer

The other day I wore shorts for the first time in quite awhile. I don't look awesome in them, and I didn't feel as though I suddenly looked better and therefore could get away with wearing shorts, but it was hot and I didn't want to be covered up head to toe, so I went for it.

Most of my weight is carried in my hips and legs. I was "blessed" with tree trunks and even as I lose weight, the legs stay on the hefty side. I don't mind having larger legs, but what I don't love is the knee fat associated with my larger legs. What is knee fat? Well, "knee fat" is that excess girth that surrounds the knee area. In my case, it runs from my calf area to just above my knee, along the interior of my legs. Not only is this unsightly, but it's actually a pain to deal with on a daily basis. It makes many activities, including just walking down the street unpleasant, and at times, actually painful. Oddly, my legs seem to be comprised of pure muscle and pure fat, and not much in between - meaning that the separation between the two areas is quite obvious.

I have trouble finding pants that even fit correctly through the legs. Manufacturers don't seem to cater to those with extra meat exclusively between the calf and knee area, so I have to look for wide leg pants (which, conveniently are out of style right at the moment) to wear jeans/pants that don't look freakish. It would seem that wearing shorts or skirts would be the best option, but then my knee fat rubs together when I walk (for most humans this happens in the thigh area - for me, I get to have my knees rubbing), and while I have grown used to this, there are times when pants just make more sense.

Although I'm not looking for pity because of this oddity, at times I see others who are overweight and notice that they have perfectly lovely legs, yet for some reason, they seem to be ashamed to show them off. Why? If you have something beautiful, don't hide it. There's no reason to put those legs behind clothing. Personally, I have given up hiding and just wear what I want, especially when the temperatures near triple digits. You won't find me strutting down the streets in a swim suit, but at the same time, I'm not going to wait to wear shorts, skirts or dresses until I'm some possible ideal future size. In short, I think simply wearing clothes that make me feel good and/or comfortable is the best route, rather than having fear about what someone else might think.

This summer, I'm wearing what I want - public opinion be damned... or at least, that is the plan.

Herbs Aren't Always Good for You

Recently, I watched an episode of Dr. Oz. I'm not really a fan, and have only viewed 3 episodes of the show during its time on television, but I tuned in just as he was getting ready to discuss some weight loss herbs and I couldn't help but watch. Who wouldn't want a miraculous herb to help lose weight - and it's doctor approved - how could I go wrong?

There were two specific pills he talked about that I had interest in: One is 7-keto and the other is forskolin. 7-keto is supposed to improve metabolism which is known to slow down in those over 30 (especially women). It's supposed to stimulate the thyroid to assist with this, thus allowing the metabolism to speed up. Forskolin is a supplement from an herb in the mint family and is supposed to break down fat and increase lean muscle, allowing a person to slim down. Of course, both of these are intended to be used with a proper diet and exercise, but for someone looking for that extra boost, it was certainly worth a try.

Mind you, this is coming doctor recommended so my initial reaction was to rush right out to the store and pick up a bottle of each. As I've discussed before, I'm not a pill taker, but as I've struggled with losing recently, I thought perhaps this could be the answer I'd been seeking. For some reason, I decided to look these two up online and was shocked to discover some of the side effects from these.

For 7-Keto:
"...Sources warn that because 7-Keto does cause an increase in thyroid hormone levels that it may affect bone loss and cause cardiac problems. For women who are prenant or nursing, it is recommended by health authorities not to take 7-Keto until more definitive safety studies have been done."

For Forskolin:
"Side effects for forskolin include headaches, decreased blood pressure and a rapid heart rate due to its vasodilator properties. It does carry a warning by cancer researchers taht it may have a role in causing cyst enlargement in women with polycystic kidney disease. And, that it may cause an increase in the lidlihood of internal bleeding. Medical authorities warn that forskolin should not be taken by patients currently using cardiac medications or blood thinners."

Really? A doctor is recommending these as supplements without providing information about the possible side effects or at minimum warning people to consult their own physician before taking these? I was truly disturbed, to say the least.  Web MD has similar warnings for these two products as well, and although I don't believe everything I read on the internet, it seems there are at least minimal indications that these pills could produce some potentially scary side effects.

Frankly, I'm not taking something that could endanger my life. When I took ephedra years ago, it was supposedly safe as well, and then people started dying. Yes, they were overdosing on the stuff, but the reality is we just don't always know until it's too late the things that cause potential harm.

As for me, I'm steering clear and sticking to what makes me feel good: a balanced diet and regular exercise.

Pausing to Enjoy Accomplishments

As of this morning, I have lost a total of 28 pounds. Not too shabby, considering that for a month and a half of the last 11 weeks I fought with the same 3 pounds. I have a long, long way to go, but for once in my life, I want to stop and appreciate what I have accomplished instead of longing for something more or something different.

I had hoped by this point in the journey to have lost around 35-40 pounds, so one might think that I would be disappointed. On some level I suppose that is true, but I am also incredibly proud of myself for sticking to something, even when the weight loss wasn't happening. I am encouraged that I have been able to stick to "2-a-day" kickboxing workouts twice a week, and still continue to participate in other activities throughout the week as well. I have adjusted when needed, instead of being hard-headed. Honestly, I think I am pretty awesome.

In a few days, I will have been at this for three months. It's a very short amount of time in the grand scheme of life, but I think the short journey thus far is teaching me lessons every single day. I am grateful for the strong body developing under all the layers, and am looking forward to the successes ahead.

OMG - Is it Actually Working?

HOLY SHIT! <--{Please pardon the language}

I think this is actually working.

It's only been a couple of days since I started increasing my caloric intake and I have lost 3 pounds! I have spent the last six weeks struggling with three pounds, so to lose three pounds in two days. You've got to be kidding me? All I had to do was eat more?

Okay, okay. I don't want to get overly excited about something that I just started doing, but you have to imagine my utter glee to lose that amount of weight so quickly while actually eating more food. It seems so counterintuitive, but at the same time, it makes sense. My engine (body) was out of gas. How can I expect it to do all that it's been doing if I don't provide fuel? The answer... it doesn't do all that it's been doing... at least not without consequences, and that is why the engine was clinging desperately to the fuel - because it was afraid to give up the energy for fear that it wouldn't get any more.

Duh.

I am truly not stupid, but I honestly thought I was getting plenty of nourishment. I was wrong. I can admit that fact - I am wrong often - but it seems like such a simple fix and it took me far too long to figure it out. Again, I will wait out the full 2 weeks to see if this is actually what the problem has been, but I am already excited about the results and remain hopeful that if I just feed my body properly, it will cooperate with dropping the excess pounds.

Yippee!

What the Bleep?!

For the last 6 weeks, I have struggled with the same three pounds. Some days, I want to give up - like today. While I am thoroughly enjoying kickboxing and watching my muscles develop through that class, I don't understand what I am doing wrong. I have been eating between 1450-1700 calories a day and going to kickboxing between 3-6 times a week, in addition to riding my bike and going to the gym. There is no reason the weight shouldn't be falling off my body, or at least losing some small amount each week. 

I spent a good portion of yesterday investigating various reasons people don't lose weight. Things like thyroid issues and not properly measuring food were the largest search results, but the one thing that stood out in the search was the possibility of not eating enough food. Could I be eating too little? In a world of people who judge and want to tell overweight individuals they are eating too much, is it possible that I was starving myself? I don't feel hungry. Okay, I get hungry, but then I eat and that takes the hunger away. For the average joe, eating the amount of food I'm eating seems like more than enough, but I thought it might be worth a try to see if it's possible my engine just isn't getting enough fuel. I am burning around 7-8,000 calories a week. Perhaps the scale just needs to be balanced a bit more.

Over the next 1-2 weeks, I am going to test the theory that I need more food. In the back of my mind, I fear that I will suddenly start gaining dramatically, but I figure that in order to see if this is the issue, I have to give my body enough time to respond. I have accepted the possibility that I may gain, but I have to attempt to determine why such a large person isn't dropping at a more steady rate. If I find that I do gain, then I'll try the other direction and drop some calories off... and if that doesn't work {sigh}, well, let's just see where this goes and then I will worry about the potential "what if's" down the road.