Thursday, August 9, 2012

Physical Break Down

I have had many days over the last several months during which I was simply exhausted. When one goes from doing nearly nothing to the polar opposite of the spectrum, sometimes ones' body decides to rebel. On the days this has occurred in the past, I've been able to refuel and force myself into continuing on. Today, my body's rebellion won out over my stubborn will. I woke up at about 6:15a to start preparing myself for kickboxing and the subsequent long bike ride. I went through the normal morning rituals and I could tell that my body wasn't happy. I was limping, my back was sore, and above all I was simply exhausted.  "Just push through it," I told myself, as I do each time I wake up with these feelings of stiffness, soreness, and exhaustion. Normally, it does the trick.
*Image found here
It worked well enough to get me to class. I pulled my bicycle up to the door just as they were getting started. But, as I got into the workout, I just couldn't seem to make myself move. I could tell I was half way completing each task, and the harder I tried to push myself, the more difficult it became to do anything. Honestly, I felt dead, and it was quite bothersome. I know everyone needs a day off, and that rest and recovery are extremely important, but I'm normally able to push through the week until a day off over the weekend. About 15 minutes into the 50 minute class, the instructor told us all to grab a quick drink and we'd get back to it. I did not get a drink, but instead sat on the edge of my bag. I put my head in my hands and asked myself silently what in the world I was doing in class.

The instructor took notice of my behavior and came over to check on me. "Are you okay?" she asked. All I could do was say, "No, I'm really not," as I started to cry. I stood up and continued, "I'll be fine. I'm just extremely worn out." She nodded a bit and said, "I can tell... you're just not yourself today." She was able to modify a few things for me so that I could make it through the rest of the workout, but I knew that there was no way I was going to make it through a long bike ride after my inability to make it through a 50 minute class. We chatted briefly about getting in proper amounts of carbs and proteins, and I returned home to attempt to refuel myself.

When I got back, I was looking through my journal of activity and came to the realization that despite the fact that I say I'm going to allow myself a day off to rest, I apparently haven't been taking it. The last complete day off from working out I have had was on July 8! That's insane. No wonder my body was uncooperative. This is always one of my biggest fears for myself... I am either on or off, and the in between place just doesn't seem to exist for me. The problem is that it turns in to burn out and then I completely give up because I'm simply exhausted. I definitely don't want that to happen. So, I have to figure out how I'm going to get everything in, not exhaust myself completely, and still find balance. I'm not sure that's possible, so perhaps something is going to have to give.  I know the upcoming ride in a couple of weeks is adding to the pressure of working out, but if I'm so tired I can't do anything, it won't be of benefit anyway.

In the mean time, I am resting for the remainder of today... and who knows? Tomorrow may end up being that day off I've obviously been in need of for quite some time.

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