Miscellaneous Thoughts: Winning/Losing Battles

Although I have yet to mention it here in this space, boot camp training came to an end at the beginning of this week. The month long adventure into intense outdoor workouts at local parks was fun, but I was definitely ready to return to the kickboxing studio. I discovered that I am, without a doubt, the least in-shape person in the class (or at least who showed up to the workouts), and confirmed my knowledge that I am definitely not a runner by any stretch of the imagination. I also learned that I am so fortunate to have an incredibly supportive group of people around me, who constantly motivate me to keep going, try harder, and to never give up on my goals. Even though I am definitely the slowest individual (physically, not mentally - I swear!) I can say that I attended every single boot camp during the month... and as a reward, I received an embroidered hand towel with my name and the studio name on it. I couldn't help but giggle a bit. The usefulness of the prize did not go unnoticed, particularly as I seem to be the one who is constantly dripping with sweat.  For a person who typically runs colder than average, it's amazing the buckets that pour out of me during class.

*Image found here

On the cycling front, I have been recovering from last weeks' attempts to get in longer rides before my big ride with Venus de Miles at the end of the month. Unfortunately, the wrist damage from those rides last week has been more intense than I would've liked and it's prevented me from getting in long rides since Saturday. The doubts about my ability to do the 51 miles at this point continue on. Part of me thinks that I just need to get in what I can and go for it anyway just to see if I can make it happen. The other part of me thinks it's quite stupid on my part to attempt something that I likely won't be able to finish, and that it would make more sense to opt for the shorter 33 mile ride that doesn't go into the mountains. I suppose I will have to make a judgement call when the time arrives, but until then, I still plan on doing my best to get some time and distance in the saddle.

Last night, Sam and I had a discussion about my mental state and what I'm focused on at this moment in time. As a whole, I find that I am better off when my energy goes into kickboxing goals, cycling, and the like. When I focus too much on losing weight, it becomes so easy to get distracted and/or depressed at the rate of loss. While the overall numbers don't seem so bad, I know that a large chunk of it came off in the first few weeks, making the average for each month much lower than it should be, in my opinion. However, when I think about the past and how I've attempted to lose weight by dropping calories so significantly that I could barely function as a human, I realize that I am so much better off allowing myself a larger amount of calories and just working my butt off. I'd rather have the energy to do all the activities I want to do, see it come off slower, and know that I can do this for life, rather than see it drop off over night, but never be able to participate in anything.

A Change in Routine

The kickboxing class I attend is currently in the middle of a schedule shake up due to sharing of studio space with a karate/tae kwon do class. For the next month, we are taking to the local parks two days a week for a boot camp class instead of attempting to share the studio with the other classes. I was actually excited to be able to get out of the indoor environment and see the kinds of things that anyone can do without equipment.  Here is what I've learned thus far:

The Good
It is awesome to have the opportunity to be outside. Although I'm already aware of this from riding my bike, it's been fun to experience the parks in a different way. The classes are happening early enough to keep the days' heat from killing us all, and I honestly feel as though I'm working my muscles harder (mostly because the ground is uneven, and I'm not a horribly coordinated individual) than if I were in the studio (despite the fact that I do miss the bags on these days). I've learned that there really is no excuse not to do something, even when away from home, but I also know that having someone there to push me is a great motivator.

The Bad
For me, I always feel like the weak link in the bunch. In my mind, I think there's no reason I can't keep up with everyone else, but then reality sets in and I realize how much the extra lbs slow me down. While I know that I'm doing all I can and pushing myself, it's incredibly frustrating to know that I am always last and there isn't anything I can do about it. I feel bad for the individual who ends up getting stuck with me as a partner because I know that I am dragging them down when we're doing paired up activities.

The Ugly
I leave looking like quite a mess. Because the classes are taking place just after (or during) the grass sprinklers routine watering, it is a muddy mess, and because much of the work involves getting on the ground, I leave looking as though I was just involved in a mud wrestling bout. I'm also allergic to grass, so I end up wheezing most of the time and scratching like some kind of diseased individual. It isn't pretty.

Overall, I am enjoying the short term change. Doing things like lunges across a field and dangling our feet on swings while we do push-ups is an interesting switch up, and even if I'm not the most capable in the class, I have to remind myself that I'm doing my best and some day I'll be able to (hopefully) keep up with the rest of the group.